Going through a divorce is an emotionally difficult time. All too often pain and anger take over, and kindness and common sense are nowhere to be found. Then, more than at any other time, you need to obey the “Golden Rule” – and play nice. When you do unto your spouse as you would have him or her do unto you, you are not only behaving as we were all taught to behave, but you are helping to create an environment that will make the process easier, lead to a better result, and minimize the expense.
Even if you have no children, you will generally need to reach an agreement on how to divide your personal property, and how to allocate your financial assets and debts. If you can do this in the spirit of cooperation, you will reach a settlement quicker, with less stress, and at less cost.
A mentor of mine who is one of the leading real estate transaction lawyers is known to say, the best deal you can cut for yourself is the one where you leave a few coins on the table. There are many reasons for this. At the top of the list – the agreement is more likely to be carried out as written and without further litigation. Moreover, your spouse will be less likely to be adversarial in the future.
If you have children, following the Golden Rule is even more important. Children need both of their parents in their lives, and courts are required to do whatever is in the best interest of the children. If you and your spouse can agree on custody and visitation so that the children get quality time with both parents, everyone wins.
If you don’t come to an agreement, the court will have to intervene. Some parents go so far as to try to get their children to plead their case with the court. Be aware, even though the rules have changed to make it easier to have children testify, putting the court in the position of having to allow it never makes for a happy judge. Moreover, it will most assuredly increase the stress on your children during an already difficult time… something which is never good.
Finally, “playing nice” means even more than just reaching a settlement agreement with your spouse. If you have children, it means refraining from any behavior that might cast aspersions on your spouse. Not only is that important to avoid putting your children under the stress of having to choose one parent over the other, but it’s the law. If your spouse can show the court that you are alienating their affection for her/him, the court will punish you, potentially reducing or eliminating your custody and/or visitation rights.
[Every case is different. Nothing in this post or on this site is, nor is it intended to be, legal advice. Please contact me to obtain legal advice regarding your particular situation. Past achievements are not a predictor of future results, and do not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome that you can expect. No attorney-client relationship can be or will be established until attorney and client have met, discussed the client’s specific needs and expectations and the attorney’s current fee structure, and attorney and client have both signed a written fee agreement.]